Ghosting! When It’s Time to Make The Final Contact

Ghosting! It’s October so let’s talk about it now for obvious reasons.

You all know the scenario, chances are you’ve been there…

You reach out to a friend via phone and try to set up an appointment. No answer. You text them and ask if they have time for a quick phone call. Nope, nothing. Then you call again and leave a voicemail. Crickets. Then the process gets a little weird because you call again a couple of days later and still: NADA. Maybe you send another text several weeks after beginning the process, but you don’t know what to say. So you send something but don’t love it, bite your nails and then…na that wasn’t them that texted back…it was just MORE CRICKETS. And you’re wondering…did I just damage a relationship? What if I see them at Target? Do they shop at that one? Maybe I’ll drive to the one on the other side of town that’s farther away from their house. AWKWARD.

So what do we do with this whole ghosting MONSTER lurking under the bed? How do we appropriately handle the FEAR that rejection is happening before our eyes? I’ve got some ideas to combat the SCARY scenarios. Don’t SCREAM, let’s dive in (and okay, I’ll stop using the puns). There are 3 main things to keep in mind when you think you are being ghosted – let’s talk about them.

1. Don’t Jump to Conclusions

When you feel you are being ghosted don’t jump to conclusions. People are busy with their own lives, and your top priority is almost always NOT their top priority. They’ve got their own world swirling around them, so recognize that we have to meet people where they are at and contacting you back may not be at the top of their list. Don’t jump to the conclusion that if they aren’t Johny-On-The-Spot with getting back to you it doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. It could mean a variety of things such as one or some of the following:

  • they are bad with returning phone calls / messages / insert media you used
  • they are busy
  • it’s a hard week
  • it’s a hard year. ahem… it is 2020.
  • they are out of town / country
  • they intend to but just haven’t gotten there yet
  • they are distracted
  • their phone broke?
  • they have a new number
  • they are potty training their toddler and are laser focused unto getting rid of cloth diapers for ever and ever amen (wait… just me?!)

Thus before making the conclusion you are being ghosted, here are ask some important questions of yourself. If you answer “no” to any of these things – then try that thing before jumping to conclusions:

  • Am I using the right contact method to reach them? Have I tried multiple ways to get in touch?
  • Are they actually receiving my phone call / message?
  • Have I tried enough times over a period of time, and given them long enough to respond?
  • Have they already expressed interest in giving but have had trouble responding recently?

2. The Final Contact

If you have have sufficiently tried to reach out to someone but are getting no response (see list above) then you may consider making The Final Contact. The Final Contact essentially is communication that attempts to honor the relationship when someone isn’t responding, and lets that person know you will not be contacting them again about support. Now, that being said I have some pretty strong thoughts about The Final Contact and how it works / doesn’t work that I need to share before proceeding further:

  1. Consider all of the questions above carefully before doing The Final Contact.
  2. You should NOT be doing The Final Contact if you’ve only tried calling a person twice or even 3 times. It should be after you’ve made several attempts, tried several communication methods, and given them time to respond. Many people make the mistake of believing someone’s silence is rejection and give up too quickly due to fear. Be confident, and remember you don’t have to apologize for inviting someone to be a part of the Great Commission.
  3. If a Final Contact is given too early you run the risk of offending cherished relationships.
  4. If you move to the Final Contact too early you also run the risk of no support from them.
  5. It’s likely that after you make The Final Contact, you will hear from the person who has ghosted you. It happens often.
  6. In wording your Final Contact, keep the door open a smidge that you may have a future assignment / time you raise support, and perhaps you will reach out again in the future (see example below – this doesn’t need to be emphasized, just accommodated for).
  7. You don’t make The Final Contact if someone has answered your calls and methods of communication, only if they don’t (unless it’s a nuanced situation). Don’t make The Final Contact you’re out for any circumstance that gets awkward that you don’t want to follow up on. No no.


So HUGE WARNING HERE: Don’t do it too early. However, well timed Final Contacts can help in putting the relationship in good standing. So what does a good Final Contact look like? This example of a Final Contact is written by my friend Grant Hoel who is a support raising coach and in full time ministry with Chi Alpha.

Hi [Name], I hope everything is going well for you. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you recently to share about my upcoming ministry assignment to [City or Country] but I have been having trouble. It is possible that this is not the best method of communication for you or that you’ve been extremely busy and unable to get back to me. Or maybe you’re just not interested, and that’s okay. In any case, I wanted to let you know that this will be my last attempt to reach you in regards to this assignment. Also know that I really value your friendship and would love to catch up or hear how I can be praying for you at any time. If you are interested in talking about the ministry and how you could be involved, feel free to give me a call: (555) 555-5555. Either way, I look forward to catching up the next time I see you. Have a great week and God Bless.

Some thoughts straight from Grant on what a well-crafted Final Contact does:

  1. It provides the person the most charitable excuse for not returning your call.
    • “I know you’re probably super busy…”
    • “I understand that now may not be the best time for you…”
    • “You may not be able to give right now…” “And that’s OK!”
  2. Let’s them know that you will not be contacting them regarding support/financial partnership for this assignment.  You won’t bring it up unless they initiate it.
    • “So I just want to let you know that I won’t be contacting you again about this unless you bring it up.  If I’m wrong and you just haven’t been able to get back to me, just give me a call and we’ll pick up the conversation from there.”
  3. Affirms your relationship with them. 
    • “I just want you to know that I absolutely appreciate your friendship…” 
    • “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you or any way to pray for you…”
    • “I look forward to the next time we get to see each other…”

3. Don’t be Timid: Its The Great Commission (See Rejection post)

I get it, it can be SCARY to reach out to friends and family for support, and when that friend ghosts you in the process, it doesn’t feel good. But I think alongside having the Final Contact in our pocket, remembering that we are all called to the Great Commission as either goers or senders is one of the most important things to remember in the midst of asking for finances. Asking someone for financial support is okay and it’s even biblical. (If you doubt that to be true, here are some verses to check out) Also, what you are doing is downright cool and inspiring. Seriously. You don’t have to be ashamed about telling people about Jesus and you certainly aren’t the only one since the days of Moses who raised finances to do it.  You can be bold. You can be confident (and it actually helps). You don’t have to apologize for following God’s path, and you actually get to be an inspiration for those you connect with to follow their own paths with God! He’s actually the one that set it up for the christian worker to live off of support. If someone doesn’t join maybe someone else is supposed to. I can be as simple as that, if you let it be.

It’s hard to know what to do when a person isn’t responding to you, I hope some of these thoughts help in the process. Below is a song to help inspire you. As Grant put it to me when explaining his process on The Final Contact “Now may you confidently and effectively raise the funds you need to do the work in which God has called you. May you have even deeper and more meaningful relationships as a result of your support raising efforts.” – JF

Follow Up: 3 Practical Tips

As a support raising coach the question I probably get asked the most is about how to do effective follow up after a face-to-face appointment. Follow up tends to run the gamut of scenarios, thus I get a wide range of questions on the topic. From my experience, here are some of the main questions on follow up:

  • How do I follow up with someone who said they would like to give but hasn’t turned in their gift yet? It’s been a month! How long should I wait? What should I say?
  • How do I keep follow up from being awkward?
  • How do I follow up if they said they would pray about becoming a monthly partner, but weren’t sure during the appointment?
  • They keep saying they will turn it in but never do! What do I do?

Follow-up likely consists of one of the following scenarios:

  • You are following up with a financial partner who said they would like to give, but they are praying about an amount.
  • You are following up with a financial partner who said they would like to give and already knows the amount, but for whatever reason just doesn’t get the commitment actually turned in.
  • You are following up with a potential financial partner who said they didn’t know if they would like to give or not, and needs to pray about it and look at their finances.

It’s likely you’ve faced at least one of these scenarios if not all of them. I’ve been there, it can feel awkward to try to re-connect with a potential financial partner and get them to actually start their giving – but TRUST ME it doesn’t have to be.

Here are 3 loaded practical tips for good follow up no matter what scenario you find yourself in:

1. Good Follow-Up Starts At The Appointment!

Start setting yourself up for good follow-up during the appointment by following the two C’s:

COMMUNICATE: If your potential partner needs time to make a decision make sure they understand that you will be following up with them. Clearly describe the next steps with them before you walk away from the meeting. This is so important. Essentially unless the answer to your ask for support is “no”, you absolutely must communicate your intention to follow up with them, during the appointment. If an individual says they would like to join your team, but isn’t ready to start immediately, then ask if they have an idea when they would like to start their giving and ask if they know how much they’d like to give. Communicate with them that it helps you to know when they set it up so you can keep your own records. Once you get the approximate time they’d like to start tell them you’ll follow up with them if you don’t see anything go through around that time, to make sure they have what they need to get it set up. (It really doesn’t come across as pushy, just communicative, particularly if you think through your wording before the appointment. **Pro Tip: If this makes you nervous, write out your wording for various scenarios on the front side of your appointment and get your language down. It truly is important to communicate expectations during the appointment and not just let it go.)

CALENDARIZE: Give a clear time frame for follow up. Tell them when you will be contacting them by suggesting a specific date and time. You can call or text them for follow up, and it may be helpful to ask them what their preference is.

Here’s a sample conversation on follow up during an appointment using the two C’s:

Worker: Thanks so much Jeanie for becoming a monthly partner, we are so excited and blessed to have you as a part of our team! Do you have an idea yet of how much you’d like to give and when you’d like to get it set up? 

Jeanie: No, not yet. I need to go and look at my finances to figure out how much. 

Worker: That totally makes sense. If you could let me know when you do sign up that would be so helpful to me, so I can keep my own records and make sure it aligns with headquarters. Do you have an idea yet of when you’d like to get started? 

Jeanie: I’ll need to look at it, but probably in a week or so. 

Worker: Cool. I’ll shoot you a text to follow up if I don’t see a text from you in let’s say two weeks… Would that be enough time? Just find out if you have everything you need to get signed up and have an amount, and so I can make sure everything goes in correctly. We are so grateful.

So your aware too – we will be communicating what is happening while we raise up the rest of our team and once we get to the field via newsletters. We will send those out at least once a quarter, and we also have a secret Facebook group that we will keep regular updates on. It’s called XXX and I’ll add you tonight, so be looking for it. We also pray regularly for our partnership team, so once I get to the field you can expect me to email you several times to find out how we can be praying a little more specifically. We are really excited to have you alongside of this journey. Do you have any questions? 

2. Follow-up Is Normal. Stick With It!

The need to follow up with individuals after face-to-face appointments is not uncommon at all. When someone pledges to give, but doesn’t get started immediately it can often be put on the back-burner. Let’s be honest: Them starting their support is not weighing on their mind near as much as it is yours! Their good intentions can get buried by busyness or tight finances. But, if an individual says they are going to give, let’s give them enough dignity by taking them at their word and believing the best. Let’s not let paranoia slip in and assume the worst. It may just be as simply as reminding them or finding the simplest/quickest way they can start giving. Never blame them. Ultimately it is up to us to help them bridge that gap from the saying to the doing!

It may take several follow-up calls, text messages, or emails before they actually sign up or get started. That’s okay, don’t grow weary. Let them know you understand they are busy.

3. Idea’s on Wording to Get Rid of The Awkwardness!

Here are some ideas for avoiding discomfort or clumsiness when you make that next follow-up call:

  • You are calling because you were not clear about following up during the appointment:

“Hi Robert. Hope I am catching you at a good time. I sure enjoyed our lunch together. As I thought about how we ended our time, I realized I may not have been as clear as I should have been on the next steps. It seemed like you definitely wanted to support us, but I don’t think I was specific enough on exactly how and when to get started. Can I fill you in on that?

  • You are calling to make sure your records are accurate:

“Hey Jeanie, I’m working on getting an accurate reflection of where our support level is at for the upcoming ministry in Spain, and to make sure my records align with what the office has. I actually haven’t seen the first gift come through from you yet – wondering if that is something you have already done or if it’s something your still interested in doing?”

  • You are following up via text after doing great with the two C’s during the appointment.

“Hey Jeanie, hope you are having a good evening. Just following up after our dinner a couple of weeks ago, thanks again for your time and for joining our team. We are so grateful. Really, there are no words! I know I said I would shoot you a text to follow up – I haven’t seen anything come in yet so wanted to make sure I hadn’t missed anything come through on our end. If we haven’t missed anything – have you had a chance to pray about an amount and start time? And is support something you are still wanting to do? If you need it I can text you the giving link and answer any questions.” 

If you did a good job with the two C’s of follow up during the appointment (Communicate & Calendarize) there will be virtually no awkwardness when you do the actual follow up. You’re simply making good on the commitment you made. If you didn’t make a plan for follow up with the two C’s during the appointment, absolutely follow up anyway – using number 1 and 2 above are two great ways.

Other Quick Tips on Follow Up:

  • Provide all the information they need to sign up during the appointment and follow up.
  • Communicate with potential partners your target date for starting your assignment. This will help create a sense of your need, urgency, and your preferred time in which to start their giving.
  • Don’t procrastinate following up. If you say you will call at a certain time, do it!
  • Following up with potential partners IS NOT OPTIONAL. You will miss out on support if you do not “put the ball in your court” and follow up.
  • Call back on the exact day and time you said you would. If you are not faithful, they will not feel the need to be faithful!
  • Make it as easy as possible for them to give. Provide simple ways for people to give in the shortest time possible. This may be texting them a link to your donation website or finding other creative ways to make committing simple.
  • Ask your potential partner what their preferred mode of communication is for following up, texting or calling are usually the norm.
  • Lastly, make sure to make time to ask how they are doing and use the conversation as an opportunity to build a stronger relationship. Starting and maintaining a personal connection with them is what will keep them investing and praying over the long haul!

Connect Cards

After a wonderful conversation with an individual about your ministry assignment, have you ever given someone a prayer card PRAYING that they will remember to contact you? Have you ever spoken at your home church, small group, or fundraising event and gotten stuck at your back table talking to a particularly chatty individual? All the other people scurry to lunch before your conversation ends and you feel the wave of missed opportunities that just passed? Whomp.

Insert a wonderful tool to help combat: connect cards!

What’s a connect card you ask? It’s a stack of individual cards you put on your display table, chairs of an event, and/or attach to Sunday morning’s bulletin. Connect cards give you the ability to follow up with interested people after a service or event is over, and is an effective tool all about facilitating more face-to-face appointments and building relationships with the body of Christ. Connect cards can serve as a way to “keep the ball in your court” by grabbing interested people’s contact information instead of just giving them a prayer card and hoping they remember to contact you.

Below there are some examples of connect cards from various workers I coach. (thanks guys!)

Now, don’t go off quite yet and make your own. I want to explain something important first: keep in mind that connect cards are only appropriate in certain circumstances.

“Connect cards are only meant for events, services, and small groups where you have gotten permission to connect personally with individuals about giving.”

Connect cards should only be used when they fall in accordance with a pastor / leader’s protocol on giving. Don’t assume that these cards can be placed on chairs of a congregation without communication or sneakily stuck into bulletins on a Sunday morning without communication / permission prior. Connect cards are only meant for events, services, and small groups where you have gotten permission to connect personally with individuals about giving (or if you are hosting a fundraising event that you are hosting on your own).

Why is this so important? A lot of churches do their missions / ministry giving by collecting offerings and disbursing where the church leadership collectively decides. That means if you were to come into that congregation and ask all the people inside to give to you personally, it may mess up what the pastor, board, and leadership of the congregation has decided to give to. You DO NOT want to be that person. #boo

Thus, connect cards are preferably only when you ask the pastor / leader “how does your congregation do missions / ministry giving?” If they say you may connect with individuals inside of the congregation on your own, connect cards come into play.

Connect cards are ideal when speaking to your home church (after you’ve figured out the protocol with your pastor on giving), small groups, fundraising events, and the like. If you do use connect cards, make sure to explain them from the platform in which you are speaking from – letting everyone know how to fill them out and what they are for.

I hope these help you as you seek to build out new relationships as you interact with the body of Christ! See the examples below and have fun building yours! I do have a contact who makes connect cards for workers, if your interested in getting one made – contact me and I’ll get you in touch! -JF

Connect Card side 1Connect Card side 2 copypostcard-3.5inx5.5in-h-frontpostcard-3.5inx5.5in-h-front

Connection Form PDF copy

 

Turning Verbal Commitments into Actual Gifts- It Doesn’t Have to Be Awkward!

Back in March I did a post on Follow Up here on the blog that I got a lot of great feedback on. I recently did an edit of the post and Support Raising Solutions just put it up on their blog. You can check it out here.

Here’s a quick excerpt:

How do I best follow-up with someone who has said  they will give… but hasn’t started giving yet?

My guess is you’ve probably faced this question more than once, seeing this is the dilemma I’m asked about most often as a coach. The 2nd question I get the most? “How do I keep follow-up from being awkward?”

Follow-up can consist of reconnecting with those who are verbally committed, but who need time to pray/consider after an appointment, or for some reason haven’t started their giving yet. I agree, it can feel awkward to try to re-connect with them to get them to start their giving – but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some practical tips for changing verbal commitments into actual gifts:

Good follow-up starts at the appointment.

Start setting yourself up for good follow-up during the appointment by following the two C’s:

To see the rest visit https://supportraisingsolutions.org/turning-verbal-commitments-actual-gifts-doesnt-awkward/.

Follow Up: How to Change Verbal Commitments Into Actual Commitments

As a coach, the question I probably answer the most is how do I follow up with people who have said they will give, but haven’t started giving yet?

Having to follow up with verbal commitments is normal, and the need for it is frequent. It can also be one of the more awkward things we do in raising up our financial partnership teams – but it doesn’t have to be. Below are some tips for changing verbal commitments into written ones, and how to do it correctly. 

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I hope this infographic helps you in your follow up! Don’t forget to smile through the phone if your calling – it makes a difference. – JF