Let’s be honest. Asking for referrals feels awkward. Asking for increases often feels awkward too. As they raise support, most ministry workers either avoid these conversations altogether or white-knuckle their way through them, hoping it doesn’t damage the relationship.
But I’d like to offer a reframe that changes everything: asking for referrals and increases isn’t a transaction. It’s a natural extension of the relationship you’ve already built.
Let’s start with referrals.
The Golden Rule of Referrals
Before you think about how to ask someone for a referral, think about how you’d want to be asked. Would you want a cold email? A form letter? And….would you respond by giving someone your trusted friend’s contact information? Maybe…but probably not. You’d want someone who knows you to reach out personally, explain what they need, and make it easy for you to help — without putting you in an awkward position.
That’s exactly how your supporters feel. So start there.
Tip 1: Begin with your A+ supporters.
Before you blast out a newsletter or post anything publicly, go personal first. Think about your 10 to 15 closest, most engaged supporters — the ones who truly care about your ministry and your life. Reach out to them the way that makes most sense for your relationship: in person, by phone, over text, or via email. Always lean into the most relational option available.
When you reach out, lead with a prayer ask. Tell them where you are in your journey — maybe you’re seeking new connections, or you’re at a certain percentage of your goal and need to expand your network. Ask them to sincerely begin praying with you for open doors. Then thank them genuinely for their ongoing support. And finally, ask if they know anyone — a church, an individual, a small group — who might be interested in hearing about your ministry.
That’s it. Prayer, gratitude, and one honest ask. Aim to connect with at least 10 to 15 people this way before you move on to anything broader.
Tip 2: Follow up with a referral-specific newsletter.
Once you’ve done your personal outreach, it’s time to cast a wider net. Write a short, focused e-blast — not your regular ministry update, but one specifically dedicated to your need for referrals. Use the same three-part formula: ask for prayer, thank your team, and make the ask. Keep it warm and short, and give people an easy way to respond.
Tip 3: Have a plan for when referrals come in.
When someone gives you a name, your first step is to find out what your connector is comfortable with. Do they want to make the introduction themselves? Are they okay with you reaching out directly? Don’t assume.
If you’re going to reach out on your own, draft the message first and share it with your connector before you send anything. This does two things: it gives them a chance to add helpful context, and it makes them feel confident vouching for you because they know exactly what you’re going to say.
Tip 4: Ask for referrals at face-to-face appointments.
After you’ve made your support ask and heard someone’s response, the way you close the appointment matters just as much as the ask itself. Before you wrap up, do a few things: clarify their giving intentions, set expectations around follow-up, and share your funding timeline so they understand why timing matters. Then — gently, like planting a seed — ask if they know anyone who’d love to hear more about your work – individuals, small groups, or churches.
Now let’s talk about increases.
Asking long-time supporters to give more can feel presumptuous. But if you approach it with the right timing, the right words, and a little organization, it becomes one of the most natural conversations you’ll have.
Timing matters more than you think.
For my organization’s field missionaries, asking for increases once per itineration cycle — roughly every four years — is completely reasonable. For stateside workers, once every two to three years is appropriate. The key is to follow your organization’s guidelines and what your leadership promotes. Ask too often, and you erode trust. Wait too long, and you leave real funding on the table.
Organization tip: My organization has templated emails to give to field workers as they begin a new fundraising cycle, or yearly, to promote asking for increases when appropriate. The template emails are given in a suite that offer templates for field workers for individuals, another one for churches, and another one for lapsed financial partners. It also includes an attachment from our executive director with our branded letterhead.
Get organized before you start.
When you are local and are starting a new support raising season, my advice is to begin not by asking everyone. Start with your longest-tenured, most faithful supporters — the people who have been giving consistently for years, not those who came on board in the last twelve months. And start these conversations at the very beginning of your itineration cycle, while you’re already in the rhythm of personal appointments.
How you ask is everything.
Lead with deep, genuine gratitude. The thank-you should feel like the main event, with the ask woven in gently at the close. When you meet, spend most of your time celebrating ministry wins from your last cycle. Make the appointment about your relationship and your shared mission.
Before you meet with someone, do the math. Calculate what a 5% or 10% increase from your current supporters would mean for your total support. Then tell them. It makes the ask concrete — and it shows them that even a small adjustment makes a real difference.
Then, as you’re closing, say something like:
“Your partnership has meant so much over the years. As we head into this next season, we want to say thank you for your continued partnership with us. We also are arriving at a budget increase in this season – and if your interested in increasing – let us know. We know that if everyone who currently gives X% more, we’d be at X% raised. Either way – we are just so grateful for you and your partnership!
A few reminders for both asks
Whatever you’re asking for — a referral or an increase — lead with relationship. Your supporters are partners in your mission, not just names on a LOG chart, and how you treat them in these moments communicates that more clearly than anything else.
The ask is not the scary part. The relationship you’ve already built is what makes it possible. When you honor your supporters with personal, prayerful communication, asking for referrals and increases stops feeling like a risk — and starts feeling like what it actually is: an invitation to go deeper in partnership together.
Financial Partnership Development 